


Last Words

by Kimmy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is Done with their shit, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canonical Suicide Attempt, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 18:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21201998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmy/pseuds/Kimmy
Summary: Soulmates.A rare and beautiful phenomenon that only happens to the most tortured souls.When all you want is to die, is the promise of love enough to keep living?





	Last Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takara_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/gifts).

> Happy birthday to love of my life, my best friend and co-conspirator in art, my Phoe!

Jace is not even born yet the first time he dances with death.

No words appear on his soulmate’s skin yet, because a baby so small cannot articulate his thoughts yet, but on another continent, a sharp child’s cry reverberates through a warlock’s soul and he finally understands.

He’s not unlovable. His soulmate has just been born, and his birth is veiled in tragedy, his survival a sad miracle.

And on his body, there’s already so many words, so many thoughts Magnus had before when he came close to joining that bastard in Edom, but Jace cannot read any of them yet.

One day, a few years later, he will be able to. He will also realize that father doesn’t have any words and when they go into town under the cover of the darkness, he won’t see any on the inn visitors either.

He will ask his father about it. Exactly once.

***

The truth is that not everybody has a soulmate.

Some wish they had one, some are glad they don’t, and everyone knows that it’s not a fairytale happy ending kind of story.

Soulmates are special. They are true love, often romantic, sometimes platonic, always unconditional, always supportive. Only those who truly need it have soulmates, because without them, they wouldn’t be able to go on.

Finding your soulmate isn’t easy. It usually happens by accident, scripted by fate when decided and no earlier. The marks make it clear who they are, a person only ever being able to see the words on their own skin and on the skin of their soulmate.

They will see the words on the skin of the person and they will know, not just because they can see them but because they can recognize, with a sinking feeling, the words they thought when at their worst.

The marks are thoughts that plague soulmates’ minds when they dance with death, when they are close to the end, when they are too close to dying or being killed or... ending it all themselves.

Many say the words are The Deaths. They mean without having a soulmate, the person wouldn’t have lived through that day.

Jace hears those whispers around and wonders what does it mean, him having so many words on his skin.

He talks to Alec about it, after Alec confesses about his own words (“I’m going to die killed by an abnormally huge wolf in New York City, this will make such a good headline.”) and he wonders how many different sentences are on his soulmate’s skin.

Deep down, he knows it’s probably not just one sentence. He knows that for sure, in fact.

***

_ _I will make father proud._ _

Magnus looks at those words a lot, especially since they are the first ones. They show up when his soulmate is five, if the count is right, and from that moment on Magnus hates the man with a passion.

He finds it ironic, that they seem to be alike in that matter. His love didn’t seem to get any more luck in the parents department than Magnus himself.

He hoped the father, whoever he was, wouldn’t get any more luck at living than Magnus’ own father did either. He didn’t know yet that Jace’s father would unfortunately survive long enough; even if he would eventually die, like Magnus’ own, by his son’s hand.

But that wouldn’t happen for years, and it was an entirely different story.

***

_ _I’m a monster. _ _

Jace is born with those words, so he’s not sure how he knows they’re the first ones, but he just knows.

Now, in the dark, as he lays on the stone cold floor, water dripping around, echoing ominously in the space, he wonders about... everything, and a small part of him asks if he should be afraid, if his soulmate really is a monster.

Then he thinks about Valentine, about monsters, about Alec and Bat, and downworlders, and the sheer number of words on his skin and he realizes that it’s wrong to not give someone even a chance.

His own world has turned completely upside down in the past few months, and if there’s anything he learned, it’s that things aren’t really black and white.

He’s lucky as he is that he’s here, back in the Institute, that he’s alive, and so is Gretel, and Clary, and Alec.

He wonders about Magnus. He’s not sure why, but he feels a strange connection to the warlock. He’s grateful to him. For talking Alec out of the wedding, even if Izzy’s decision to step in for him was a big factor in that one. For saving Alec, for helping them in the war, even if Valentine is still out there.

He’s happy Alec and Izzy won’t be alone. They have Lydia, and Bat, and Magnus is on their side and someone so powerful is always good to have as a friend.

With Magnus taking care of them, Jace is ready to die.

He wonders what words will show up on his soulmate’s skin, carefully scripting them in his head. He isn’t sure if they are already showing or if it will only be the... truly __last__ ones, but he wants them to bring a small comfort.

To be an explanation of sorts before their skin slowly fades back to emptiness. An apology.

***

Magnus wasn’t expecting Jace Wayland. Morgenstern. Just Jace. With his beautiful eyes and layers upon layers of masks and that delighful jelaousy (Alec was taken, it turned out, though Magnus was never really interested in __him__) that made Magnus feel the electryfying pull of attraction. He was always a hedonist, and hasn’t shied away from different lovers in the past… but it was different now.

For the past twenty three years Magnus has been alone or rather single. Never really alone, as unhappy as every new remainder of his soulmate was.

He wondered, his own marks hidden under silky long sleveed shirts, if there were any under Jace’s leather jacket. He wouldn’t be able to see them anyway, not unless Jace was… his, anyway, and he wasn’t about to ask about that, the coward that he was, but he wondered.

He wasn’t sure if it was a nice thought or a terrifying one, that Jace could be his. Because having this beautiful golden angel, was a temtation unlike any other, while the idea that Jace was the one who already came so close to dying so many times…

But Jace never took his jacket off. And Magnus never asked.

***

_ _I don’t want to be alone all my life. _ _

Magnus thinks about those words as he stares at the keris, because his skin is pale from staying inside for the past twenty years or so, and oh so empty. He’s unlovable and lonely and will have to live this pathetic, solitary existance forever, and he’d rather not, even if it means facing his father.

Are Edom’s fires really worse than Earthly sorrows? Does it matter what torture he picks? Maybe death will offer a momentary release before his father finds him.

It’s Catarina who finds him then. Stops him. Holds him and comes with him to the garden and kisses his forehead as he cries into her shoulder.

And centuries later, he’s grateful to her.

***

_ _I’m not going to be alone. _ _

Jace is still so young by mundane standards but he’s already one of the best of his generation. He’s been with the Lightwoods for only a few months but so many people looked at his skill with awe and praised him.

He’s not used to it. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Everything he knows, the reason he’s so good, is because of his father. At the same time a small part of him he tries to ignore is viciously glad that he’s gone, as much as he mourns him, feels good here in the Institute. And he hates himself for it.

It’s a few months that he’s been there when it all becomes too much and he holds his own seraph blade, to his skin, ready to go back to dad.

But he looks at his wrist, at the dark, elegant writing on it, and he thinks about that person, that person who’s out there waiting for him. Who needs him.

And he puts the blade away.

Alec asks him to become his parabatai a week after that and Jace decides to bury that part of himself that had doubts deep down. He’s going to enjoy his new life. He’s going to live it in a way that would make his father proud.

He’ll be the best. He and Alec both will be.

***

Facilis Descensus Averno - me and Alec used it to remind each other we cannot be broken.

The friendship with Alec came as an unexpected surprise to Magnus but nonetheless a delightful one. As much as they started off on the sightly wrong foot, once the shadowhunter was sure Magnus didn’t plan to steal him away from Bat __or__ have any nefarious plans of seducing Jace and then breaking his heart, they seemed to find comfort in each other.

They had both been lonely. Alec’s only friends had been his family and Magnus had really needed someone new in his life, because after three hundred years or so, he felt like he was bothering Cat and Ragnor was a grumpy cat who never listened.

Also, nothing quite brings people together the way facing a war that could unite Nephilim and the Downworld does. If there’s one thing everyone agrees on it’s that Valentine Morgenstern __sucked.__

But even if they could deal with Morgenstern, there was the problem of Victor Aldertree, the wonderful new head of Institute that Magnus and Alec both hated with passion and who was currently holding Jace prisoner for... being Jace, probably.

It was a Jace thing. He tended to simply have bad luck when it came to, well, everything. A poor puppy in a downpour. Life raining down on him even if he didn’t do anything.

God, Magnus wanted to take him in so much.

And then, just as he and Alec tried to come up with a plan to get Jace out of the Silent City without breaking the law, Magnus felt his skin burn and he stared with shock and fear at the new words.

The realization was sinking in.

_ _No._ _

“Alexander. I think your brother is about to do something __very__ stupid.”

***

Everything is a blur.

It feels like a roller-coaster of emotions except it’s all bad emotions and most of them are a variation of fear.

Alec seems to be a mess but while Magnus knows they both feel it deeply he, personally, thinks he’s got it worse, because he’s stuck outside the damn gates, watching them with an unblinking stare because only Alec is allowed in.

Izzy and Lydia are back in the Institute, raising hell with Idris because there’s no way Aldertree’s actions were all authorized. By now, Magnus knew Lydia well enough he was sure by the end of this she would have the chair of the Head of Institute in her office again.

And she would have Jace pardoned. Because Jace was going to be alive.

Magnus glared at the gates some more, praying to anything that would listen for them to open and reveal Alec with his parabatai.

His skin tingled but the words were still there.

***

Jace was tired.

Jace was tired and he was in pain and he just wanted it to be over. He was sorry, so sorry, to Alec, to his soulmate but he wasn’t sure he could keep going, even knowing someone was waiting for him.

How long would he have to wait?

Too long.

Too long.

Too long...

The Brothers wouldn’t even allow him the sweet release of death.

***

Alec stormed the place, screaming at everyone around, shoving Aldertree aside.

He ripped the sword from Jace’s hands, glared at his guards. He didn’t remember what he had told them to unlock the chains but they did.

He only had a vague idea of everything that had happened. The only thing clear in his mind was the lost look in Jace’s eyes, the throbbing pain in the bond and how fragile he felt when Alec lead him up the stairs, to freedom.

To Magnus.

***

They were out.

They were both out and alive and certainly not fine but with time...

With time, they would be. They would all be fine.

Even Jace.

***

Jace woke up warm.

He recognized the feeling as alien and foreign, more of a memory than reality. It’s been too long since he slept in a warm bed and frankly even the Institute tended to have cold stone walls that didn’t keep the chill away properly even in summer.

Jace would never admit it to anyone, but he might have been that bitch who secretly bought a thousand blankets just because he wanted some goddamn comfortable rest before he had to stick his poor feet out into the cold air in the morning.

Shadowhunters’ hours might have been all he had ever known but somehow he still wasn’t used to them.

So the warmth? Incredibly nice. But those blankets were also about ten times softer than his own which meant he wasn’t in his own bed. Which should have caused red alarms in his head except really, he was just too cozy to worry about it now. If he doesn’t get murdered before, he’ll deal with it in the morning.

***

When Jace woke up again, it wasn’t actually morning but he was about to get murdered, even if he didn’t know about it yet.

The warmth was nice but it was also becoming overwhelmingly stuffy, he realized he ached all over and the problem of being in someone’s bed started tugging at his mind again.

With a pained groan, he dragged himself off the bed, and realized he recognized the apartment and (though the thought made him blush) the bedroom.

More importantly he recognized the hushed voices in the living room.

And so, Jace knew he was in so much trouble.

***

Magnus was really glad he and Alec were good friends because he was pretty sure if they hadn’t had each other to burn through all the emotions of the day together, several breakable things in the Institute and the loft would have suffered.

Jace was asleep in Magnus’ bed after the warlock healed him, because Magnus was a possessive bastard, Alec didn’t protest and they magically turned the guest bedroom into training space where they proceeded to beat the crap out of each other imagining Victor Aldertree before cleaning themselves up and collapsing in the living room to talk.

“He’s my soulmate, Alexander.”

Alec hummed.

“I have a soulmate. I have a __cute__ soulmate. Oh dear, I mean, I knew, in a way, the words... But it’s Jace! That’s just...”

“Weird.”

“Wonderful.”

“I don’t know which one of you to give the shovel talk. Because Jace is my Jace but I’m not sure if you even have someone to give a shovel talk for you and it’s making me sad.”

“Rude. Cat maybe would.”

Alec laughed.

“You’ll be good for each other.”

Magnus stared at Alec, feeling a stupid grin coming.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. Right after we kill him for trying to kill himself.”

“Yeah...”

Magnus looked at the determined glint in Alec’s eyes and chuckled awkwardly, vowing to offer Jace the best sex of his life if he never told Alec Magnus tried to off himself just as often. Maybe now, it was finally going to be better. They would have a reason to keep living.

***

Jace had turned off after the first ten minutes of Alec’s tirade, sitting on Magnus’ couch like a kid called to the director’s office at the Academy. Jace never even attended the Academy but he suddenly deeply sympathized with every young trouble-maker who did.

He got it. Alec was pissed. Killing himself was bad and life imprisonment in the Silent City wasn’t the end, especially when you had a parabatai determined to break you out. So maybe he acted a bit rashly, which, according to Alec, was how he tended to act with his life on the line, but hey!

That was all somewhat unimportant because __Magnus was his soulmate and by the Angel, Alec, get gone!__

So once Alec did get gone, to inform frantic Izzy and Max about the day’s events, Jace was left on the couch, awkwardly trying not to make eye contact with Magnus.

“So...”

“So.” The warlock looked up, pointedly connecting their gazes. “You’re my soulmate. Took your sweet time.”

“You’ve had... a rough couple of centuries before I was born, huh?”

Magnus stared at him for a while, his expression unreadable, before his face broke out in a small smile.

“Yeah, but it’s over. And you didn’t have it easy either. But it’s over.”

He repeated, the words sounding more like a reassurance to Jace the second time.

***

Jace stayed around in the flat. It was a bit strange, learning to live around each other in a small space, but they still didn’t remake the guest bedroom into an actual bedroom, opting to sleep together.

Just sleep. It was fast but they were meant to be, after all, and the physical comfort of snuggling was incredibly helpful, especially in the tense uncertainty of the times. Alec was fighting tooth and nail in the harsh world of politics, but between him, Luke, Meliorn and Raphael, the supernatural world was slowly coming together, better than before, and Valentine was in the past.

Their relationship progressed naturally in the lazy days of doing nothing, spent trying every take out place in New York, all of the States, as well as Europe and Asia - oh, the joys of magic.

That morning, they woke up cuddled together, and talked, and then Jace made pancakes, and before lunch Magnus opened the portal to Venice and Jace couldn’t help but think how domestic it was.

It was not something Nephilim usually did.

But still, as he watched the sun set from the walls of the Arsenal, and Magnus leaned in for a kiss, their lips meeting for the first time, yet already tasting familiar, tasting like home...

Jace couldn’t help but think that in some ways, the Nephilim still had a lot to learn.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is accompanied by wonderful art - the links or embeds will be added at a later date, so check out in a week or so or stay tuned on tumblr!


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